写雅思作文的时候一定不要出现跳跃式的思维,就算是自认为再明白不过的道理,也要一步一步解释清楚。
【雅思作文批改】跑题还能拿5分,TA是怎么做到的?
今天给大家看看这位同学的雅思作文,总体得分5分,句式比较灵活,这是最大的得分点,不过有跑题,所以提醒大家写的时候一定要看清楚题目,否则写得再好也会得不偿失。
作文题目:
Housingshortagesinbigcitiescanhavesevereconsequences.onlygovernmentactioncansolvetheproblem.Towhatextentdoyouagreeordisagree?
作文内容:
Wecanhearpeoplecomplainingaboutthepriceofhousinginbigcitiesallovertheworld.Itseemsthatrealestatemarketsgomadandconsumershavenowayinthismatter.Ashousingisabasicneed,governmentsmustgetinvolvedtocurbthehighpriceofhousingandmakesurethemarketsfair.
Itisnotdifficulttounderstandthathousingpricegoingupwithoutanycontrolwouldcauseaproperty-valuebubble.Whenthebubbleburstsandthepricesfallviolently,manypeoplefallintothesituationoffinancialcrisis;socialcrisisisnotfarfromthen.Hence,thegovernmenthasvetocontrolthehousingpricetopreventsuchthingfromhappening.
Alsoconsideringthattherearemanysomepeoplewithlowincomesinanycity,i.Itistoohardforthemtobuyexpensiverealestatewhentheirsalariesarenothigh.Ofcourse,governmentsshouldberesponsibleforcitizens'basichousingrequirementsandsetreasonablelimitsonprices.
Ifgovernmentsdonotact,theconsequencescouldbesevere.Ifthepricecontinuesincreasing,thepoorareforcedtoleavebigcities,andleaving[A1]etherichlivetherelonely;[A2]itcannotbeimagined.Allpeopledeserveaffordablehousing.
Housingisabasichumanright,likefoodandwater,butifthegovernmentisabsent,itwillbeaprivilegeonlyfortherich.Asaresult,governmentsshouldstepinandplacereasonablecontrolsontherealestatemarket.
【A1】如果不变成非谓语形式,则此句缺主语,改后就变成结果状语
【A2】分号前后大致含义是一致的,此处itcannotbeimagined可以直接提前合并成一个句子,此处太啰嗦
总体评价:
针对问题最大的一点指出问题:
审题。注意题中的是是否只有政府能解决,而本文说的是政府该参与解决,这完全是两个立意。建议可以捎带其他的解决方案,然后否定他们,自圆其说。
附批改原图:
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